I went to my son's T-ball game the other day
and watched twenty or more kids take whacks at the baseball and run in random
patterns around the bases. My son is seven and all he really cares about is
hitting the long ball. Fielding is completely optional.
At the end of most games, he always tells me
the same thing. "Dad, no one wins these games. We always tie. It's boring
Dad."
It's a new concept that wasn't in vogue when I
was a kid. T-ball and other entry level sports don't keep score, don't have
league winners, and don't have 1st, 2nd, or 3rd place trophies. Everyone gets
the same generic award and the same end-of-season pizza party.
I've heard some of the academic theories for
this philosophy. "It's better for young players to focus on the learning
the game instead of winning and losing (as if those two concepts were mutually
exclusive). There can be a lot of anguish associated with competitive sports for
young players."
But I don't see it that way. In my experience,
what's missing from many sports are coaches and parents who know how to teach
kids an ethical, empowering framework for competing.
In the short time we've had our judo club
open, we've witnessed a deep-seated fear and reluctance by many of our
recreational athletes to fight in tournaments. On the chance that we do
encourage these kids to participate in a competition, even a novice division,
they've often built up such a strong fear that they struggle to function at all
during a match.
When you talk to these children and ask them
what it is that they don't like about tournaments, they usually give an evasive
answer such as, and "I just don't like to compete." Or their parents
will answer for them and say, "I'm just afraid it will ruin Johnny's
confidence."
It's very clear to us, that the child's fear
and uncertainty relating to competition, has been gently instilled over an
extended period of time, by the child's parents. It's interesting because the
primary reason that parents bring their children to a judo club is to help them
learn skills like self-confidence and mental toughness.
My personal belief is that competition is
nothing less than beautiful. It's important, valuable, and a critical element of
our society. Every child, during the course of her lifetime, must compete at
home for attention, in school for grades, on the playground for friends, in the
work place for advancement, etc. Why then don't we teach our kids better, more
empowering philosophies and beliefs about competing?
One reason is that we haven't been taught very
empowering attitudes about competing ourselves. Very few of us have been
fortunate enough to experience that unique coach or leader who can outline and
instill a positive philosophy about competition.
Another reason is that our society is so
overwhelmingly in love with the winner, that there is a natural tendency to win
at all costs. To the victor go the spoils. At
I'm no educator and I base many of my
philosophies on what I've learned "in the trenches." So take what I
say as another piece of data and not "the way it should be."
Here is the story Rich Riley and I tell our
kids and parents. It doesn't work all the time but it works a lot of the time.
In our program, we teach
self-confidence, self-discipline, self-control, and self-respect. Our vehicle is
the sport of judo and we consider the skills kids learn while practicing judo to
be life skills. Theses skills are acquired as a result of an extended
participation in our program. You don't learn them in a single season. (The
Karate and Tae Kwon Do clubs are absolute 10th Degree Black Belts at marketing
these ideas although I question their ability to deliver.)
Anyway, the majority of our parents bring
their kids to our Club to improve in these areas. One of our core beliefs is
that competition is an outstanding means for improving self-confidence and
mental toughness. Avoid competition and kids may be missing out on the real
lessons judo has to offer.
That may seem counterintuitive given that kids
often quit judo because of lousy experiences they have at tournaments. Yet you
can usually trace these experiences back to parents, coaches, and family
members, who so exclusively focus on winning, that their children learn to
equate losing with failure. In many cases, losing for these children results in
verbal and physical punishment. Is it any wonder why these kids hate
tournaments?
The mantra that we repeat like a slow, heavy
drumbeat to our kids is this: Forget about winning and losing. Of course you are
going to strive to win every match. But give us your best effort, and try to
perform the judo skills that we have been teaching you, during a match. If you
try your best, in our minds, you won -- whether you got a victory or not. If you
happen to win…super…on to the next round. If you happen to lose, bow
respectfully and come off the mat -- without crying.
We make it very clear to our athletes, that if
they fight a match and do the skills we have showed them, and still lose, it's
our fault. It's our responsibility as coaches to figure out why they lost and
help them improve. Of course as athletes grow older, this becomes a team
process.
This philosophy does two things. It encourages
kids to focus on something within their control--their own personal
performance--and helps them ignore things outside their control--the referees,
the draw, or the opponent's belt color. It also simplifies expectations and
makes it easier for kids, especially the recreational athletes, to be
successful.
I learned a valuable philosophy from my Dad.
He helped me understand that competition is about testing yourself and helping
your opponent test himself. Competition isn't about winning. Winning comes as a
result of your preparation, your skill level, a little luck, and your attitude.
The more you truly desire to fight the best athletes, all the time, and at every
camp and competition, the better chance you will have of becoming a world-class
athlete.
Don't think for a minute that disempowering
beliefs regarding competition are limited to younger athletes. Some of our top
judo players suffer from this "syndrome" right now. I have heard on
numerous occasions, American athletes complain, "I got a terrible
draw." This usually means that the athlete is lined up to fight someone who
has previously been successful in the Olympics, the World Championships, or a
big international/national meet.
Deep down, many of our best players are
holding out for a "perfect draw" in which they can fight unranked or
unproven athletes right up to and through the medal rounds. If everything goes
right, they can win a medal without having fought any tough competitors.
But like cheap cologne, the competition can
smell that form of fear a mile away. And this attitude negatively affects the
outcome of many matches for our players.
You'll also find, that the most successful
American judo players, want the "worst draw" possible. They want to
fight the reigning Olympic Champion in the first round. They know if they can
beat the Olympic Champ, the rest of the tournament will be cake. They absolutely
crave competing in big matches against big time opponents. You'll find them
unsatisfied, even when they win tournaments, if top competitors were absent.
Back to our recreational judo players. Judo competition is tough and challenging, physically and mentally. It's important to remember, however, that no one ever developed any real confidence without first having overcome a significant personal challenge. Parents who allow their children to avoid challenging situations, like a tournament, keep their children from developing the very skills they want their children to learn.
By teaching our children more empowering beliefs about competition, we can help them enjoy and benefit from the competitive process. By keeping the bar high and working with them to develop the skills needed to get over that bar, we can help them become more self-reliant, mentally tough, and self-confident.
Todd A. Brehe is a two-time World team member for the US, and US Olympic
Team alternate in 2000. He is one of the head coaches of the Timberline Judo
Club in
"Plum Blossoms Open Because of
the Frost and Snow"
Adversity does not cause a Judo practitioner to wither;
it helps him or her to flourish.
This
article was submitted by the author and this web page is provided by Neil
Ohlenkamp, copyright © 2004 JudoInfo.com